1
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:05,904
? BOY, THE WAY
GLENN MILLER PLAYED ?

2
00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:09,508
? SONGS THAT MADE
THE HIT PARADE ?

3
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:13,212
? GUYS LIKE US, WE HAD IT MADE ?

4
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,482
? THOSE WERE THE DAYS ?

5
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:20,185
<i>? AND YOU KNEW
WHERE YOU WERE THEN ?</i>

6
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:24,056
<i>? GIRLS WERE GIRLS
AND MEN WERE MEN ?</i>

7
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,324
<i>? MISTER, WE COULD USE A MAN ?</i>

8
00:00:26,393 --> 00:00:30,395
<i>? LIKE HERBERT HOOVER AGAIN ?</i>

9
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:33,431
<i>? DIDN'T NEED NO
WELFARE STATES ?</i>

10
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,701
<i>? EVERYBODY PULLED HIS WEIGHT ?</i>

11
00:00:36,771 --> 00:00:41,039
<i>? GEE, OUR OLD
LASALLE RAN GREAT ?</i>

12
00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:42,273
? THOSE WERE ?

13
00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:46,477
? THE DAYS ?

14
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,620
WE NEED SOME MORE
COFFEE, TOO, MA.

15
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:58,957
OH, MY. OH, WELL, I
GUESS THAT MEANS

16
00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:02,127
WE GOTTA DO WITHOUT
APPLES THIS WEEK.

17
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,963
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU
MANAGE TO MAKE ENDS MEET, MA.

18
00:01:05,031 --> 00:01:08,200
OH, I'M LUCKY. I WAS
BROUGHT UP IN A DEPRESSION.

19
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:11,603
IRENE SAYS YOUR DEPRESSION

20
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:13,705
WAS LIKE OUR
INFLATIONARY RECESSION.

21
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:17,675
WELL, MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAID:

22
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:21,846
"WATCH THE PENNIES AND THE
DOLLARS'LL TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES."

23
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,515
WELL, SHE MUST HAVE BEEN RIGHT,

24
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,395
THE DOLLARS MUST BE
TAKING CARE OF THEMSELVES

25
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,785
'CAUSE WE AIN'T GOT THEM.

26
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,732
GLORIA! GLORIA!

27
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,656
WHAT IS IT, HONEY?

28
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:33,792
GUESS WHAT! I GOT
ONE OF MY FINAL GRADES!

29
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:35,760
IS IT AN "A"?

30
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:36,973
IT'S AN "A"!

31
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,699
WONDERFUL! CONGRATULATIONS!

32
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,011
THANKS, MA!

33
00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:44,636
SEE, MA. I TOLD YOU
I MARRIED A GENIUS.

34
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:55,079
AH, JEEZ, LOOK AT THIS.

35
00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:57,348
WE OUGHTA GET THESE TWO BRONZED.

36
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:01,919
DADDY, MICHAEL JUST GOT
AN "A" IN ONE OF HIS COURSES.

37
00:02:01,988 --> 00:02:03,288
WELL, WHOOP-DEE-DOO.

38
00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:05,235
WITH AN "A" ON YOUR
REPORT CARD AND A QUARTER

39
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,758
YOU CAN BUY A HERSHEY BAR.

40
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,661
I KNOW YOU'RE THRILLED, ARCH,

41
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,674
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO
OVERDO THE CONGRATULATIONS.

42
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:12,964
STEP ASIDE, HUH?

43
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,644
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING
CRABBIER EVERY DAY?

44
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,880
I DON'T REMEMBER THE LAST
TIME YOU WALKED INTO THIS HOUSE

45
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,144
WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE.

46
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,938
WELL, THAT'S
BECAUSE THE LAST TIME

47
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:23,207
I WALKED INTO THIS HOUSE WITH A SMILE
ON MY FACE, YOU WASN'T LIVING HERE.

48
00:02:25,445 --> 00:02:28,413
HOW DID YOU MAKE OUT
AT THE PHONE COMPANY?

49
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,059
I TOOK CARE OF THE ARGUMENT,

50
00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:31,828
JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO
WITH THE PHONE COMPANY:

51
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,285
I GIVE THEM A SWELL
ARGUMENT AND LOST.

52
00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:36,054
BUT THE THING THAT
REALLY BURNED ME UP

53
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:37,701
WAS COMING DOWN IN THE ELEVATOR.

54
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,268
I RAN INTO THIS CRABBY DAME.

55
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:41,104
YOU KNOW WHAT SHE HAS
THE NERVE TO SAY TO ME?

56
00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:42,873
"I WISH YOU'D PUT OUT YOUR CIGAR

57
00:02:42,897 --> 00:02:46,198
BECAUSE THE SMOKE OFFENDS ME."

58
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,111
MAYBE SHE HAD A
BREATHING PROBLEM.

59
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,512
SURE SHE HAD A
BREATHING PROBLEM,

60
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:51,469
YOU SHOULD HAVE
SEEN THE NOSE ON HER.

61
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,909
LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS
PLAYING A SAXOPHONE.

62
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:02,214
OH, MAYBE SHE
JUST WASN'T USED TO

63
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:04,549
THE SMELL OF CIGAR SMOKE.

64
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:07,285
I REMEMBER WHEN
WE WAS FIRST MARRIED

65
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:11,289
I HAD TO SPRAY THE ROOM
EVERY NIGHT AFTER YOU SMOKED.

66
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:15,127
BUT YOU COULDN'T GET USED
TO THE SMELL OF THE SPRAY.

67
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,129
SO YOU HAD TO GET USED
TO THE SMELL OF CIGARS.

68
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:22,433
NO, I HAD TO GET USED TO
NOT SAYING NOTHING ABOUT IT.

69
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:27,332
YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT USED TO
WHENEVER I CAME INTO THE HOUSE?

70
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,440
A KISS?

71
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,843
I WAS THINKING OF
SOMETHING FOAMY IN A CAN.

72
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:34,713
OH, YOU MEAN BEER? BEER, YEAH.

73
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:37,816
OH, SURE, I'LL GET
YOU SOME RIGHT AWAY.

74
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,885
SO THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE
REALLY UPSET ABOUT?

75
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,498
BECAUSE SOME LADY IN AN ELEVATOR

76
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:43,500
SAID SHE DIDN'T LIKE THE
SMELL OF YOUR CIGAR?

77
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:44,524
THAT'S RIGHT.

78
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:45,891
AND I TOLD THE LADY

79
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,793
IF SHE DIDN'T WANT TO
INHALE MY CIGAR SMOKE,

80
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:50,295
THEN SHE REALLY
OUGHT TO SHUT HER FACE.

81
00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:55,412
I'M SURPRISED SHE DIDN'T
HAVE YOU REPORTED.

82
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,235
SHE DID, SHE DID, TO
THE GUARD DOWNSTAIRS

83
00:03:57,304 --> 00:03:59,716
WHEN THE ELEVATOR GOT THERE.
SHE TOLD HIM THE WHOLE STORY.

84
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,117
MADE HIM WRITE THE
WHOLE THING DOWN.

85
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,719
HE TOOK MY NAME AND
ADDRESS AND EVERYTHING.

86
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,509
TOLD ME HE'S GONNA FINE ME $50.

87
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,089
THAT'S RIGHT, THEY GOT A LAW
NOW AGAINST SMOKING IN ELEVATORS.

88
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:09,593
WELL, TO THAT LAW I WOULD SAY...

89
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:14,218
LUCKY FOR ME, THE
GUARD WAS A STRAIGHT GUY.

90
00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:16,454
AFTER THE DAME TOOK OFF, I
GAVE HIM ONE OF MY CIGARS,

91
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:18,055
HE RIPPED UP THE REPORT.

92
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,625
BOY, OH, BOY.

93
00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:22,972
AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S ALWAYS
PREACHING LAW AND ORDER. HUH!

94
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,897
THAT IS FOR THE
CRIMINALS, LITTLE GIRL.

95
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:30,468
LAW AND ORDER SHOULD NOT RUIN
THE LIVES OF LAW-ABIDING PEOPLE.

96
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:33,737
LIKE THAT STUPID LAW OF
PROHIBITION THEY HAD IN THE OLD DAYS,

97
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:36,641
THE GANGSTERS HAD TO GO OUT
THEN AND OPEN UP SPEAKEASIES

98
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:39,144
SO A DECENT GUY
COULD RAISE A GLASS.

99
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,578
SO, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

100
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,591
THEY'RE GONNA DO THE SAME
THING IN OFFICE BUILDINGS?

101
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:46,551
THE MAFIA'S GONNA START RUNNING
ELEVATORS YOU CAN SMOKE IN?

102
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,020
IF THERE'S A BUCK IN IT,
THE MAFIA'LL BE THERE.

103
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:53,124
HERE YOU ARE, ARCHIE.

104
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:54,559
AH, YEAH.

105
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:58,296
NO, I DESCRIBE TO A HIGHER
LAW THERE, MEATHEAD, GOD'S LAW.

106
00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:01,099
AND GOD INTENDED MAN TO SMOKE.

107
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,068
MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAID,

108
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,437
"IF GOD INTENDED
PEOPLE TO SMOKE,

109
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,339
HE WOULD HAVE PUT
CHIMNEYS ON THEIR HEADS."

110
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,190
YOUR MOTHER DIDN'T KNOW NOTHING.

111
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:16,454
SHE DIDN'T EVEN WANT
YOU TO MARRY ME.

112
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:19,297
W-WAIT, WAIT A
SECOND, WAIT A SECOND.

113
00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:21,352
GOD INTENDED MAN TO SMOKE?

114
00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:23,588
CERTAINLY. WHY DO YOU
THINK GOD PLANTED TOBACCO?

115
00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:25,556
TO MAKE SALADS, YOU DOPE, YOU?

116
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:27,992
THAT'S TO SMOKE.

117
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,728
EVERYTHING GOD
PLANTED IS FOR MAN TO USE.

118
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,298
THEN WHAT ABOUT MARIJUANA?

119
00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:35,833
GOD DIDN'T PLANT
MARIJUANA, LITTLE GIRL.

120
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,337
IT WAS YOUR MEXICAN
BANDITS DONE THAT.

121
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,876
WELL, I'M FOR THE NEW LAWS

122
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,123
'CAUSE I DON'T THINK PEOPLE
SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO SMOKE

123
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,380
IN ELEVATORS, IN
MOVIES, IN RESTAURANTS,

124
00:05:49,449 --> 00:05:51,895
'CAUSE IT REALLY DOES BOTHER
THE OTHER PEOPLE THAT DON'T SMOKE.

125
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:53,462
AH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

126
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:55,765
THE ONLY PEOPLE IT BOTHERS
ARE A BUNCH OF PAINS IN THE NECKS

127
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,034
THAT DON'T WANT THE REST OF
THE WORLD TO ENJOY THEMSELVES.

128
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,069
WELL, I'VE BEEN SMOKING
AROUND HERE FOR YEARS

129
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,961
AND UP TO NOW, I AIN'T HEARD NO
COMPLAINTS FROM MY LOVED ONES.

130
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,262
I COMPLAINED.

131
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:10,067
WELL, I'M COMPLAINING,
TOO, DADDY.

132
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:13,271
I HATE YOUR CIGAR
SMOKE. EL STINKO!

133
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,540
LITTLE GIRL, LET ME TELL
YOU, THERE'S AN OLD SAYING,

134
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:18,176
"NEVER BITE THE HAND
THAT FEEDS YOUR HUSBAND."

135
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,858
TAKE A LESSON FROM
YOUR MOTHER OVER HERE.

136
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,627
SHE LEARNED TO
LOVE MY CIGAR SMOKE.

137
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:26,918
RIGHT, EDITH? NO, I DIDN'T.

138
00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:29,353
AH, WHO CARES ANYWAY?

139
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:32,368
WELL, ARCH, YOU GOTTA HAVE
RESPECT FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS.

140
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,493
I GOT RESPECT FOR
EVERYBODY'S FEELINGS.

141
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,107
IN THE CONSTITUTION WE'RE
SUPPOSED TO HAVE RESPECT.

142
00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:39,964
WE ALL GOT OUR RIGHT TO THE
PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS THERE.

143
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:43,368
AND, IF I WANNA PURSUE HAPPINESS
WITH A CIGAR IN MY KISSER,

144
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:45,137
THEN YOU GOTTA RESPECT THAT.

145
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,382
W-WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

146
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,073
THAT CIGAR-SMOKING
IS AN INALIENABLE RIGHT?

147
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,542
IT'S FOR ALIENS, IT'S
FOR THE NATIVE BORNS...

148
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:54,613
ANYBODY WANTS, THEY CAN SMOKE.

149
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,516
NOW, LET ME GIVE
YOU A LITTLE HISTORY,

150
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,685
THE KIND THAT YOU DON'T
FIND IN THE HISTORY BOOKS.

151
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:01,853
NATURALLY.

152
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,120
YEAH.

153
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,222
YOU KNOW, IF IT WASN'T
FOR GUYS LIKE ME, SMOKERS,

154
00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:07,692
THERE WOULDN'T BE NO AMERICA.

155
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,794
YOU WANNA BLOW
THAT PAST ME AGAIN?

156
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,062
SURE.

157
00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:13,331
YOU HEARD OF YOUR
WASHINGTON, YOUR JEFFERSON?

158
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,066
THE NAMES RING A BELL.

159
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,601
YEAH, WELL, THEY WAS
WHAT YOU CALL, UH, PLANTERS.

160
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:20,371
PLANTERS WERE GUYS
WHO USED TO RAISE CIGARS.

161
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,106
AND, IF IT WASN'T
FOR SMOKERS LIKE ME

162
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,053
BUYING THE CIGARS FROM
JEFFERSON AND WASHINGTON,

163
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,955
THE TWO OF THEM GUYS
WOULD'VE WENT BROKE.

164
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:27,578
THERE WOULDN'T HAVE
BEEN NO REVOLUTION

165
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:29,314
AGAINST THE ENGLISH.

166
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:32,317
YEAH, AND WE WOULDN'T HAVE
NO JEFFERSON HIGH SCHOOL

167
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:34,652
OR GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE.

168
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:39,790
DADDY, YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR
CIGAR SMOKE IS DOING TO MY HAIR?

169
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:40,959
HUH?

170
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:42,587
IT GETS IN THERE AND
THEN MICHAEL SAYS

171
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,262
HE CAN'T STAND THE SMELL OF IT.

172
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,491
WHAT'S HIS NOSE
DOING IN YOUR HAIR?

173
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,600
IT'S LIKE WHEN HE'S HUGGING ME,

174
00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:51,881
THEN HE STOPS RIGHT IN THE
MIDDLE OF A HUG, AH, JESUS.

175
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,172
AND HE SAYS, "GLORIA,
YOUR HAIR SMELLS LIKE

176
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,440
THE INSIDE OF A CAB."

177
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:58,221
IF HE'S GOT SUCH
A TERRIFIC SNIFFER,

178
00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,378
WHY DON'T HE SNIFF
OUT A JOB FOR HIMSELF?

179
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:05,083
IT WOULD BE GOOD IF YOU
GAVE UP CIGAR-SMOKIN', ARCHIE.

180
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:08,186
REMEMBER THAT QUIZ YOU
TOOK A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO?

181
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:11,589
IT SAID THAT YOU COULD
ADD YEARS TO YOUR LIFE.

182
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,635
IT'S NOT JUST YOUR
OWN HEALTH, ARCH.

183
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:15,637
DOCTORS ARE SAYING THAT
NON-SMOKERS ARE GETTING SICK

184
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,773
FROM INHALING THE STUFF
THAT'S PUFFED AT THEM ALL DAY.

185
00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:19,074
YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M GETTING SICK OF?

186
00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:20,743
I'M GETTING SICK OF THE
WHOLE CROWD OF YOUS

187
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,811
YAPPING ABOUT THIS, SO, SHUT UP.

188
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,075
OH, OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

189
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:25,536
AH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

190
00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:27,938
AH, LOOK AT THIS. LET'S
SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT.

191
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,485
WILL YOU LOOK AT YOUR
DAUGHTER OVER HERE?

192
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,553
THIS IS A DISGRACE!

193
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,255
GLORIA, HONEY,
COME ON, TAKE IT EASY.

194
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,719
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE
YOURSELF SICK HERE.

195
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:37,092
YOU LIKE THAT? YOU LIKE
THAT IN YOUR FACE, HUH?

196
00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:39,036
GIMME THAT CIGAR
BEFORE YOU PUKE.

197
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,180
HOW CAN YOU SMOKE
THOSE FILTHY THINGS?

198
00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:44,367
SEE WHAT THEY DO TO YOU?

199
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:46,157
WELL, WHO THE HELL
TOLD HER TO DO THAT?

200
00:08:46,225 --> 00:08:47,925
A GIRL AIN'T SUPPOSED
TO SMOKE A CIGAR.

201
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:49,634
AH, IT ISN'T GOOD FOR ANYBODY.

202
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,262
AH, COME ON, THAT'S
JUST PROPAGANDA

203
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:52,931
PUT OUT BY SOME OF
THESE BIG COMPANIES.

204
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,500
THEY MAKE A LOT OF MONEY
OUT OF, UH, NO SMOKIN'.

205
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:56,809
WHAT COMPANIES?

206
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,303
THE COMPANIES THAT PUT
OUT THE "NO SMOKING" SIGNS!

207
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,975
HERE YOU ARE, GLORIA.

208
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,476
THANKS, MA.

209
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,746
COME ON, EDITH. GET SOME
LUNCH ON THE TABLE HERE, HUH?

210
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:08,892
IN A LITTLE WHILE.

211
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:11,016
OH, THAT'S SOMETHING
ELSE, ARCHIE.

212
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,929
THEY SAY IF YOU GIVE UP SMOKING,

213
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:16,187
YOU'LL FIND OUT WHAT YOUR
FOOD REALLY TASTES LIKE.

214
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:18,222
AH, COME ON, I
CAN TASTE MY FOOD,

215
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,692
WHAT'S LEFT OF IT AFTER
THE MEATHEAD GETS DONE.

216
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,261
YOU REALLY SHOULD QUIT.

217
00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:25,141
GLORIA, GLORIA, YOU'RE
WASTING YOUR TIME.

218
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,676
HE'S NOT GONNA QUIT SMOKING,

219
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,745
HE'S JUST LIKE AN
ALCOHOLIC OR A DOPE ADDICT.

220
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:31,502
OH, NOT A DOPE ADDICT!

221
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,683
COME ON, LOOK AT HIM,
HE'S HOOKED ON CIGARS.

222
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:36,374
I COULD UNHOOK MYSELF
FROM THE CIGARS, LIKE THAT.

223
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,220
SURE, SURE, THAT'S WHAT
ALL ADDICTS SAY, ARCH.

224
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,611
YOU COULD GO 24
HOURS WITHOUT SMOKIN'.

225
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:41,991
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

226
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:44,815
I DON'T THINK YOU COULD GO
24 MINUTES WITHOUT EATING.

227
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:46,684
MICHAEL HAS CHARACTER, DADDY.

228
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:49,621
HE COULD GO A WHOLE DAY
WITHOUT EATING, IF HE WANTED TO.

229
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:52,624
WELL, ARCHIE HAS CHARACTER, TOO.

230
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:55,026
HE COULD GO A WHOLE
DAY WITHOUT SMOKIN',

231
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,260
IF HE WANTED TO.

232
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:57,440
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT.

233
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:58,596
DAMN WRONG!

234
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:01,365
Y-YOU'D GO NUTS WITHOUT
A CIGAR STUCK IN YOUR FACE.

235
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:03,935
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

236
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:06,003
WHEN I WAS IN
THE BIG WAR, W-W-2,

237
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:12,121
THERE WAS MANY THE TIME WE'D GO
FOR DAYS ON END WITHOUT NO SMOKES

238
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,312
AND THE BULLETS
WHISTLING OVER OUR HEADS.

239
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:16,459
WHAT I COULD DO BACK
THEN IN FOGGIA, ITALY,

240
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:18,428
I COULD DO RIGHT NOW
IN QUEENS, NEW YORK.

241
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:19,784
PROVE IT.

242
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:21,352
WHAT?

243
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:24,300
I GOT MONEY SAYS THAT I CAN GO
A WHOLE DAY WITHOUT SMOKING,

244
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,135
BUT YOU CAN'T DO A
WHOLE DAY WITHOUT EATING.

245
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:27,570
ARE YOU KIDDING
ME? I GOT THE MONEY.

246
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:28,805
TAKE THE BET, MICHAEL, TAKE IT.

247
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,473
OH, NO, I'LL TAKE THE
BET, I'LL TAKE THE BET,

248
00:10:30,497 --> 00:10:31,708
BUT I THINK 1 DAY IS TOO EASY.

249
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:32,972
WHY DON'T WE MAKE IT 2 DAYS?

250
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:35,599
BUT, MIKE, YOU'LL
STARVE TO DEATH!

251
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:39,103
NO, NO, I'VE BEEN
THINKING ABOUT FASTING,

252
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,239
YOU KNOW, LIKE GANDHI
OR CESAR CHAVEZ.

253
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,640
THEY DO IT FOR WEEKS ON END.

254
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:43,975
IT... IT CLEANSES THE BODY.

255
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,187
ALL YOU NEED IS WATER.

256
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:46,611
WHAT DO YOU SAY, 2 DAYS?

257
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,580
HOW MUCH? YOU NAME IT.

258
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,393
WELL, I'LL MAKE IT EASY
ON YOURSELF, SAY $5.

259
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:51,750
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE IT $10?

260
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,830
WELL, YOU WANNA BE A WISE
GUY, LET'S GO THE WHOLE ROUTE.

261
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,230
WE MAKE IT $20. YOU'RE ON.

262
00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:57,221
YOU'RE ON, YOU'RE ON. YOU'RE ON.

263
00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:59,602
HERE'S MY $20, RIGHT HERE.

264
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:01,337
EDITH, YOU HOLD
THE STAKES, HERE.

265
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,862
ALL RIGHT, NOW WHERE'S
YOURS? GET IT UP.

266
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,970
UH, GLORIA, COULD
YOU LOAN ME $20?

267
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:10,101
COME ON, YOU'RE
NOT GONNA LOSE IT.

268
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,937
I DON'T KNOW, 2 DAYS IS A
LONG TIME WITHOUT FOOD.

269
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,151
IT'S NOT GONNA TAKE
THAT LONG, GLORIA,

270
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:18,615
BECAUSE YOUR FATHER'S NOT
GONNA BE ABLE TO LAST THAT LONG.

271
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,411
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

272
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,623
I'LL GET THE MONEY.

273
00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:24,949
I AIN'T... I AIN'T SURE
THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.

274
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,484
OH, IT'S GOING TO BE FINE.

275
00:11:26,552 --> 00:11:28,564
ALL RIGHT, SO, THE BET
GOES FROM RIGHT NOW

276
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,788
RIGHT THROUGH BREAKFAST
MONDAY MORNING,

277
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,869
AND I'M GONNA KEEP A BEAGLE-EYE
ON YOU THE WHOLE WEEKEND.

278
00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:35,013
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, ARCH,

279
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:36,360
YOU JUST WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF,

280
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,074
BECAUSE I'M NOT LETTING
YOU OUT OF MY SIGHT.

281
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,608
ALL RIGHT. HERE'S THE MONEY, MA.

282
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,832
NOW I'M GONNA
SYNCHROSIZE THE WATCH.

283
00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:46,003
12:00, NOON...

284
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:49,373
AND THIS IS IT.

285
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:55,914
WOO-HOO, IT'S LUNCHTIME. I
BETTER GET IT ON THE TABLE.

286
00:11:58,251 --> 00:12:01,819
EDITH, COME ON, I'M GETTING AWFUL
HUNGRY HERE. WHERE'S MY LUNCH?

287
00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:05,990
MAYBE WE SHOULD
START AFTER LUNCH.

288
00:12:09,628 --> 00:12:12,830
OH, NO. NONE OF THAT CRAPPOLA.

289
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:16,834
I SNUFFED OUT MY
CIGAR OVER THERE

290
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:20,071
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO SNUFF OUT YOUR APPETITE.

291
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,040
NO PROBLEM, ARCH.

292
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:31,074
-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-

293
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:00,445
GOOD NIGHT, ARCH.

294
00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:04,882
WAIT A MINUTE.

295
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:08,419
BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP, I'M
WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.

296
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,955
THIS IS THE GOOFIEST
THING THAT EVER HAPPENED

297
00:13:11,023 --> 00:13:12,189
UNDERNEATH MY ROOF.

298
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,893
AND IT TOOK YOU TO THINK IT UP.

299
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,696
ARCH, THIS IS THE ONLY WAY
THIS THING IS GONNA WORK.

300
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:20,005
WE DON'T TRUST EACH OTHER.

301
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:22,366
ALL RIGHT, GET OVER THERE.

302
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,169
GET WAY OVER. I DON'T
WANT YOU TOUCHING ME!

303
00:13:26,873 --> 00:13:29,373
ARCH, I'M ALMOST OFF THE BED.
I MIGHT AS WELL BE SLEEPING

304
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:30,741
ON THE FLOOR.

305
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,278
WELL, THAT WOULDN'T
BE A BAD IDEA.

306
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:36,080
IT WOULD SHOW YOU HAD A
LITTLE DELICACY LEFT IN YOU.

307
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:53,331
WILL YOU STOP THRASHING AROUND?

308
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:58,670
IT'S LIKE I WAS IN BED
WITH A TRAPPED ANIMAL.

309
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:01,338
I'M NOT USED TO SLEEPING
ON THIS SIDE OF THE BED.

310
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,675
WELL, WHEN I SLEEP
WITH EDITH, MY WIFE,

311
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:05,543
I SLEEP ON THIS SIDE OF THE BED.

312
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:07,322
WELL, WHEN I SLEEP WITH GLORIA,

313
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:08,924
I SLEEP ON THAT SIDE OF THE BED.

314
00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:10,514
BUT YOU ARE SLEEPING NOW

315
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,550
WITH THE GUY THAT OWNS THE BED.

316
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:20,158
SO GET OVER THERE AND SHUT UP.

317
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,383
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

318
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,753
NOTHING. GO TO SLEEP.

319
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:52,657
I CAN'T SLEEP WITH A
PERSON LOOKING AT ME.

320
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,793
THEN ROLL OVER.

321
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:58,563
NO, YOU ROLL OVER.

322
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:02,333
ARCH, I CAN'T SLEEP ON MY
LEFT SIDE. MY SINUS WON'T DRAIN.

323
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,538
ARE YOU TELLING ME

324
00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:11,242
THAT YOUR SINUS IS
DRAINING IN THIS BED?

325
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:21,752
YOU MEAN THAT I'M SLEEPING
WITH A GUY WITH A LEAK?

326
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,402
JUST ROLL OVER, WILL YOU?

327
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:36,567
YOU ARE A GUEST IN THIS BED
AND I'M STAYING ON THIS SIDE.

328
00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:52,149
OH, JEEZ. WHAT THE
HELL IS THIS NOW?

329
00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:54,329
I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP.
I'M GONNA READ.

330
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:56,487
TURN OUT THE LIGHTS.

331
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,996
JUST PUT YOUR HEAD
UNDER THE COVERS.

332
00:16:00,359 --> 00:16:02,493
AND BREATHE MY OWN
BREATH ALL NIGHT?

333
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,598
YOU KNOW YOU
COULD DIE FROM THAT?

334
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:14,005
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT. HEY,
HEY, HEY. WHERE YOU GOING?

335
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,506
I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM.

336
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:18,743
OH, NO, NO, NO. WAIT A
MINUTE THERE, MEATHEAD.

337
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,690
YOU'RE FAKING.
YOU DON'T GOTTA GO.

338
00:16:20,714 --> 00:16:22,279
I'M FAKING IT?

339
00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:24,949
I'VE HAD 2 DOZEN
GLASSES OF WATER TODAY.

340
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,984
I'M NOT FAKING IT. I'M DROWNING.

341
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:28,731
WAIT.

342
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,255
WAIT. I'M GOING WITH
YOU TO THAT BATHROOM.

343
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:35,727
ARCH, I THINK I CAN
MANAGE ON MY OWN.

344
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:38,029
OH, NO. WAIT A
MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

345
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:41,699
I AIN'T TAKING NO CHANCES ON YOU
SNEAKING DOWNSTAIRS TO THAT KITCHEN.

346
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:45,002
WELL, I'M TAKING A CHANCE THAT
YOU'LL STAY HERE AND SMOKE A CIGAR.

347
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:51,420
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, WHY
DON'T WE TRUST EACH OTHER?

348
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,964
GO AHEAD BY YOURSELF.
WHAT'S... WHAT'S IN THE DRAWER?

349
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,891
Q-TIPS. YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.

350
00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:58,193
NO, I'M NOT. NO, I'M NOT. NO, NO.
YEAH, YOU ARE. YEAH, YOU ARE.

351
00:16:58,217 --> 00:17:01,519
MICHAEL, DADDY, PLEASE
KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE.

352
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:04,199
JUST SHUT UP AND GO
TO SLEEP, LITTLE GIRL.

353
00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:05,501
YOU ALREADY GOT MA UP.

354
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,336
WE CAN'T SLEEP
WITH ALL THIS NOISE.

355
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,693
WELL, THEN SHUT UP AND
STAY AWAKE, LITTLE GIRL.

356
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:12,297
GO AHEAD.

357
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,875
IF YOU DON'T COME WITH ME, ARCH,

358
00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:16,500
THEN I'M GONNA GO DOWNSTAIRS,
INTO THE REFRIGERATOR

359
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:18,436
FOR ANOTHER GLASS OF ICE WATER

360
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:20,170
AFTER I'VE GONE TO THE BATHROOM.

361
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,274
OH, NO, NO. I'M GONNA STAY
RIGHT ON YOUR HEELS, MEATHEAD.

362
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,111
OH, UH, EXCUSE ME, MA.

363
00:17:27,179 --> 00:17:29,113
OH, I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.

364
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:38,388
MA. IT'S TERRIBLE IN THERE. IT'S LIKE
BEING IN A CAGE WITH A COUPLE OF TIGERS.

365
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:41,391
I KNOW. NOTHING GOOD
EVER CAME OF BETTIN'.

366
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,238
A DAY AND A HALF WITHOUT FOOD.

367
00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:45,674
I DON'T KNOW HOW
MICHAEL'S MANAGED IT SO FAR.

368
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,910
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW DADDY'S
GETTING ON WITHOUT A CIGAR.

369
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,199
OH, EASY.

370
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:53,638
EVERY TIME HE WANTS A
CIGAR, HE YELLS AT ME INSTEAD.

371
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:56,351
ALL OVER ME HERE. YOU GOT
ALL THE ROOM IN THE WORLD HERE.

372
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:59,215
COME ON, DADDY. YOU DON'T HAVE
TO FOLLOW HIM EVERYWHERE HE GOES.

373
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,410
HE CAN BE TRUSTED.

374
00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:02,947
ARE YOU KIDDING? AFTER
36 HOURS WITHOUT EATING?

375
00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:06,617
HE'D GO THROUGH THIS
ICE BOX LIKE TYPHOON MARY.

376
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,764
I'M JUST GETTING ANOTHER
GLASS OF WATER, ALL RIGHT?

377
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,465
YEAH, WELL SEE THAT
WATER'S ALL YOU GET, TOO.

378
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:12,668
I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT'S
ALLOWED TO EAT AROUND HERE.

379
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:17,528
AND, OH, BOY, LOOK AT THIS
REFRIGERATOR, HOW FULL IT IS.

380
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,341
YEAH, CLOSE THE DOOR, WILL YA?

381
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:22,077
YOU DON'T LIKE THE SIGHT OF ALL
THAT DELICIOUS CHOW IN THERE?

382
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,335
OH, DADDY, STOP
THAT. THAT'S NOT FAIR.

383
00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:26,882
THANKS, GLORIA.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, HONEY.

384
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:28,472
DADDY, IF YOU HAD
ANY SENSE AT ALL,

385
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,920
YOU'D ADMIT HOW MUCH BETTER
YOU FEEL FOR NOT HAVING A CIGAR.

386
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,789
OH, DON'T MENTION THAT, WILL YA?
I'M TRYING TO FORGET ABOUT CIGARS.

387
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:38,315
TRY TO THINK ABOUT HOW NICE
THE HOUSE SMELLS WITHOUT 'EM.

388
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:42,953
EDITH, TO ME IT SMELLS LIKE
SOME KIND OF A SANIQUARIUM.

389
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:45,923
BUT NOT FOR LONG. I'M
GONNA BE PUMPING SOON HERE.

390
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,659
OH, DADDY, COME ON. YOU'VE
GIVEN IT UP FOR A DAY AND A HALF.

391
00:18:48,727 --> 00:18:50,806
WHY DON'T YOU ADMIT THAT
YOU CAN GIVE IT UP ALTOGETHER,

392
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:52,429
AND THEN MICHAEL CAN EAT.

393
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:54,409
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
HE CAN EAT ANYTIME HE WANTS.

394
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:55,510
TELL HIM GO AHEAD AND EAT.

395
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,134
SURE, AND LOSE THE BET!

396
00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:00,737
CAN'T YOU SEE HOW WEAK HE LOOKS?

397
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,435
YOU'RE STARVING, HUH, MEATHEAD?

398
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:07,018
HAVE A RASPBERRY.

399
00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:09,814
WHERE YOU GOING?

400
00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:11,727
I'M GOING OUT FOR A WALK. YEAH,
YOU'RE GOING OUT FOR A WALK,

401
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,029
SURE, SO YOU CAN BUY
SOME CIGARS. NOTHING DOING.

402
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:16,098
I'LL WALK WITH YOU. BLAH,
BLAH. THE HELL WITH THE WALK.

403
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,300
I'LL GO UP TO THE TOILET.
WAIT A SECOND. WAIT A SECOND.

404
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:19,501
YOU'RE GOING TO THE BATHROOM?

405
00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:21,103
MAYBE I CAN SAVE
YOU A LITTLE TRIP, ARCH.

406
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:23,167
UH... IF, UH...

407
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,144
IF YOU WERE LOOKING FOR THIS.

408
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,611
WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?

409
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:31,302
FOUND IT IN THE SPARE
ROLL OF TOILET PAPER.

410
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,181
WHAT A CRAZY PLACE FOR A CIGAR.

411
00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:39,610
YEAH, IT IS A CRAZY PLACE.

412
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,478
IT'S ALMOST AS CRAZY

413
00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:43,581
AS PUTTING A CIGAR

414
00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:45,616
OVER HERE ON THE WINDOWSILL.

415
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,987
YOU KNOW ANOTHER CRAZY
PLACE YOU COULD PUT A CIGAR?

416
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:52,923
UP HERE ON THE DOOR LEDGE.

417
00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:56,860
YOU WERE TRYING TO CHEAT, ARCH.

418
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,228
YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT, BUDDY.

419
00:19:58,297 --> 00:20:00,097
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT
THEM CIGARS WASN'T HERE

420
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:02,132
WHEN I BOUGHT THE DAMN HOUSE?

421
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:05,335
OH, DADDY, YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO PLAY FAIR.

422
00:20:05,404 --> 00:20:08,049
MICHAEL IS, AND THIS IS NO
PICNIC FOR HIM, YOU KNOW.

423
00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:09,773
DON'T SAY "PICNIC," GLORIA.

424
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:12,876
I'M SORRY, HONEY.

425
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,545
DON'T SAY "HONEY," GLORIA.

426
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:18,193
WHERE'S MY LITTLE BOX OF
CHOCOLATE MINIATURES, HERE?

427
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,916
DON'T SAY "CHOCOLATE," DADDY.

428
00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:21,485
BESIDES, YOU ATE 'EM ALL.

429
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:22,919
DON'T SAY "ATE," GLORIA.

430
00:20:22,988 --> 00:20:24,966
OH, YOU DON'T LIKE
THE WORD "ATE," HUH?

431
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,802
WELL, I'LL SAY
"ATE." ATE, ATE, ATE.

432
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:29,404
CUT IT OUT. HEY. STOP THAT. DON'T
SAY THAT. HONEY. PICNIC. HAMBURGER.

433
00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:32,095
HOT DOG. HEY!

434
00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:38,969
YOU CAN'T EAT? WELL, I CAN EAT AND
I'M GONNA START EATING RIGHT NOW.

435
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,539
ARCHIE, HOW CAN YOU
EAT? YOU JUST HAD DINNER.

436
00:20:41,607 --> 00:20:43,919
DINNER WAS SO DELICIOUS I'M
GONNA HAVE IT ALL OVER AGAIN.

437
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,221
LOOK AT THE BEAUTIFUL
BEEF STEW EDITH MADE HERE.

438
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:52,048
OH, YEAH. SOME OF THAT
SUPERB POTATO SALAD.

439
00:20:52,117 --> 00:20:54,084
HUH, MEATHEAD?

440
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:56,565
I NEARLY FORGOT THE DELICIOUS
WHIPPED CHOCOLATE PUDDING, HERE.

441
00:20:56,589 --> 00:21:00,157
WAIT TILL I GET THE CHOCOLATE
PUDDING. TAKE A WHIFF OF THAT THERE.

442
00:21:00,225 --> 00:21:01,936
I'LL START WITH THE
CHOCOLATE PUDDING.

443
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,839
ARCHIE, IF YOU EAT
THAT, YOU'LL BUST.

444
00:21:04,863 --> 00:21:07,376
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHERE CAN A
MAN EAT A GORGEOUS MEAL LIKE THIS

445
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,110
AND WIN $20 AT THE SAME TIME?

446
00:21:09,134 --> 00:21:10,501
YOU'RE A CRUEL MAN, ARCH.

447
00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:12,403
I'M A WINNER, MEATHEAD.

448
00:21:12,471 --> 00:21:14,149
AND NOW, SINCE I
DON'T LIKE TO EAT ALONE,

449
00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:16,973
WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN,
HAVE A GLASS OF WATER WITH ME?

450
00:21:18,177 --> 00:21:20,355
YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA
BREAK ME DOWN, DON'T YOU? YEAH.

451
00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:21,923
YOU THINK SO, HUH, PAL? YEAH.

452
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,458
WELL, YOU'RE GONNA BREAK
BEFORE ME, BUDDY. OH, NO.

453
00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,048
YEAH, YOU ARE. NO, I'M NOT.

454
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,728
LOOK WHERE HE'S GOING.
HE'S LOOKING FOR FOOD.

455
00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:28,463
HE'S ROOTING IN THE
DRAWER OF THE SIDEBOARD.

456
00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:31,588
I THINK HE'S GONNA
EAT A DECK OF CARDS.

457
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:34,435
LOOK AT THIS GUY. I THINK HIS
TONGUE IS HANGING OUT OF HIS EYES.

458
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,160
THIS $20 IS ALMOST MINE.

459
00:21:36,228 --> 00:21:38,307
YOU CAN'T WAIT TO EAT
THERE, CAN YOU, MEATHEAD?

460
00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:40,464
NO, BUT I KNOW WHAT
YOU CAN'T WAIT FOR.

461
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:44,134
AFTER YOU EAT, YOU
ALWAYS LIKE A NICE CIGAR.

462
00:21:44,203 --> 00:21:45,736
AH!

463
00:21:45,804 --> 00:21:47,683
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT, ISN'T IT?

464
00:21:47,707 --> 00:21:49,651
YOUR STOMACH'S ALL FULL
BUT THE LUNGS ARE SAYING,

465
00:21:49,675 --> 00:21:51,086
"WHERE'S THE SMOKE?
SEND DOWN THE SMOKE."

466
00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:53,076
MY LUNGS DON'T TELL ME NOTHIN'.

467
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,190
I BOSS OVER MY OWN LUNGS. YEAH.

468
00:21:55,214 --> 00:21:58,048
BREATHE IN HARD, ARCH. YOU
GOTTA FILL THAT HOLE SOMEHOW.

469
00:21:58,117 --> 00:21:59,850
I AIN'T GOT NO HOLE IN ME.

470
00:21:59,918 --> 00:22:01,830
FEEL THE CRAVING.
FEEL THE CRAVING.

471
00:22:01,854 --> 00:22:03,432
MIKE, STOP IT! I TOLD
YOU, YOU CAN FEEL IT.

472
00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:05,021
HE'S GOING BERSERK HERE.

473
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:06,801
YOU KNOW WHAT HE
NEEDS? HE NEEDS A FIX.

474
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:08,892
GIVE HIM A SHOT OF THAT
CHOCOLATE PUDDING HERE.

475
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:10,361
HOW ABOUT THAT, HUH?

476
00:22:10,429 --> 00:22:11,795
HOW ABOUT THIS?

477
00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:13,704
HOW ABOUT WHAT? HOW ABOUT THIS?

478
00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:20,504
HOW ABOUT THIS?

479
00:22:20,572 --> 00:22:23,385
I'M GONNA KEEP SMOKING AT YOU
LIKE YOU'VE BEEN EATING AT ME.

480
00:22:23,409 --> 00:22:25,242
HOW ABOUT THIS, HUH?

481
00:22:25,310 --> 00:22:26,510
JEEZ.

482
00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:29,391
NICE FINE TOBACCO.

483
00:22:29,415 --> 00:22:31,114
GET OUT OF HERE.
YOU LOST, MEATHEAD.

484
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:32,694
YOU LOST. I LOST?
GET OUT OF HERE.

485
00:22:32,718 --> 00:22:34,317
YOU LOST. NO, NO.

486
00:22:34,386 --> 00:22:35,697
"A." BUNKER DON'T NEVER GIVE UP.

487
00:22:35,721 --> 00:22:37,361
WELL, "M." STIVIC
DON'T NEVER GIVE UP.

488
00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:39,267
WELL, "G." STIVIC IS
GIVING UP. GIVE ME THAT.

489
00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:41,859
AND "E." BUNKER IS GIVING UP.

490
00:22:41,928 --> 00:22:44,361
NOW, YOU TWO BOTH STOP THIS BET.

491
00:22:44,430 --> 00:22:45,641
NO. NO, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT

492
00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:47,542
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

493
00:22:47,566 --> 00:22:50,467
IF YOU EAT AT THE SAME
TIME THAT YOU SMOKE,

494
00:22:50,536 --> 00:22:52,848
THEN NEITHER ONE OF YOU
WILL HAVE TO LOSE YOUR $20.

495
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:54,792
THAT'S RIGHT. NOW BOTH OF YOU

496
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,585
STOP THE BET RIGHT NOW. NO, NO.

497
00:22:56,609 --> 00:22:58,687
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? I AIN'T GONNA STOP A BET.

498
00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:01,156
I NEARLY GOT THE BET WON. I GOT
HIM HANGING ON THE ROPES HERE.

499
00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:03,020
WHY SHOULD I... YOU WANNA QUIT?

500
00:23:05,685 --> 00:23:07,184
I'LL QUIT IF YOU QUIT.

501
00:23:07,252 --> 00:23:08,797
WELL, I'LL QUIT
IF YOU QUIT FIRST.

502
00:23:08,821 --> 00:23:12,189
NO, NO, NO. WE DO IT, WE
DO IT, UH, THE SAME TIME.

503
00:23:12,257 --> 00:23:13,802
ALL RIGHT. WHERE'S THE
CHOCOLATE PUDDING?

504
00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:15,571
I GOT THE PUDDING. ALL
RIGHT. GIVE ME A CIGAR.

505
00:23:15,595 --> 00:23:17,862
ALL RIGHT, HERE. NOT
THAT ONE FROM HIS MOUTH!

506
00:23:19,632 --> 00:23:22,332
ALL RIGHT, HERE.
NO, NOT THEM EITHER.

507
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,001
THEY'RE THE CHEAP CHEWING KIND.

508
00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:27,389
HERE. I GOT THE
PUFFING KIND RIGHT HERE.

509
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:32,877
OH, MY. IT'S JUST LIKE JACK LEMMON
IN THE <i>DAYS OF WINE AND ROSES.</i>

510
00:23:32,945 --> 00:23:34,812
OH, THAT'S CHEATING.

511
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:38,259
ALL RIGHT. YOU READY? READY.

512
00:23:38,283 --> 00:23:39,349
ALL RIGHT.

513
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:43,787
1, 2, 3, GO.

514
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:51,061
YOU STARTED EATING BEFORE I
STARTED PUFFING HERE, MEATHEAD.

515
00:23:51,130 --> 00:23:52,696
NO, THAT'S NO FAIR!

516
00:23:52,764 --> 00:23:54,977
OH, LOOK AT HIM YELLING WITH
HIS MOUTH FULL OF PUDDING THERE.

517
00:23:55,001 --> 00:23:56,367
LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, BUDDY.

518
00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:59,503
YOU GOTTA GET UP AWFUL EARLY
IN THE MORNING IF YOU GONNA...

519
00:23:59,571 --> 00:24:01,605
AH, JEEZ.

520
00:24:01,673 --> 00:24:03,940
BUTTER, BUTTER, BUTTER.

521
00:24:27,399 --> 00:24:29,611
ALL IN THE FAMILY <i>WAS
RECORDED ON TAPE</i>

522
00:24:29,635 --> 00:24:31,034
<i>BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.</i>

523
00:24:32,305 --> 00:25:32,172
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524
00:25:32,222 --> 00:25:36,772
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